Through the Storm to Stillness In the Boat with Jesus: Five Days of Faith, Fear, and Finding God in the Silence
Day 1: Where Is Your Doorway?
Matthew 14:22–24
I grew up on the water. My grandfather had a boat, and we would go fishing and clamming with him, or simply take a ride and enjoy being on the water. I knew enough about boats to respect them, and enough about the weather to know that a calm morning did not necessarily mean a calm day. But there was one particular morning on the Great South Bay when I learned something about fear that I have never forgotten. My summer job throughout high school, college, and graduate school was at the beach. Going to work in the morning on the small, slow tugboat my boss owned was a great way to start the day when the weather cooperated. In bad weather, especially in what was called a “beam sea”—when the waves hit against the side of the boat—it could be a very scary ride.
One morning, it was pouring down rain, but inland where we started, the wind wasn’t that bad. Once we got out onto the open water, that was another story. The small wipers on the windows could hardly keep up with the driving rain. The wheelhouse was small, and all eight of us were crammed inside, most of us on one side of the boat, creating an uncomfortable lean.
Then a wave hit the side of the boat at the same time someone was hanging outside trying to wipe the windows. We leaned so far over that I could imagine us capsizing. It was the scariest forty-minute boat ride of my life. From that point on, I made sure I was always close to the doorway, figuring that if things went wrong, at least I could swim or float and not drown.
Looking back, control freak that I am, I realize that my greatest concern wasn’t simply that the boat might capsize. It was that I needed to know what I would do if it did. I had created my own little escape plan. If I couldn’t control the storm, at least I could control where I would be when things went wrong.
I wonder if the disciples felt something similar that night on the Sea of Galilee. They were experienced fishermen. They knew the water. They knew storms. And yet there they were, caught in the darkness, with the wind against them and no obvious way out. Matthew 14:22–24 makes such an impression. The writing is so vivid that St. Matthew almost puts us in the boat with them. We can imagine the darkness, feel the wind, and sense the anxiety and fear of those on the boat.
We all experience storms like this—not necessarily on the open water or in a small tugboat, but in those moments when we can’t see a clear way out, when we don’t know what comes next, or when God seems silent and our instinct is to take control.
Over the next five days, I hope to reflect on what happens when we find ourselves caught in the storms of life. What do we do when we are afraid? Where do we look for safety? And perhaps most importantly, where is our doorway?
Maybe we aren’t meant to control or escape every storm of life. Maybe we are meant to recognize the One who is with us in the storm.
To ponder:
When life becomes frightening or uncertain, what is my “doorway”—the thing I reach for because it makes me feel that I have some control?
An action for today:
Think of one thing in your life that you are trying to control. When you notice yourself worrying about it today, pause and say, “Jesus, You are already here. Help me trust You.”
Wishing you a week of Fair Skies and Following Seas,
Cecilia Carroll
Advent Square Director